Confessions

It’s been one of those weeks over here, one that calls for jumbo margaritas & mom confessions.
1. I am having serious anxiety about sending the girls to preschool this Fall. Harper will be in pre-k and Eloise in the 2-3 year old class. I know Harper will do amazing & have so much fun, but I worry about Eloise having major separation anxiety. I have a feeling I will be going back to get her halfway through the day, and she will be staying home for another year. I also have anxiety thinking about actually getting up, ready, and out the door with three kids ON TIME to school, because I am going to fail with flying colors.
2. We have taken advantage of chick-fil-a & starbucks drive through more times this summer than I’d like to admit, and most of the time, nobody in my car is wearing shoes.
3. We binge watched the new season of Orange is the New Black in less than two weeks & I may have shed a tear when it ended. This season was my favorite yet!!
4. My mom-brain has gotten out of control. The other day I threw a shirt in the dryer to get rid of the fold wrinkles, and when I came back to get it a few minutes later, I am all “great our fucking dryer is broken, why is it making a water sound?!” Because I threw my shirt in the washer, that’s why. By itself. No detergent. 
5. I have yet to pack a single thing & we are moving in two weeks.

6. I am ready for Fall & don’t care who knows it.

7. Our pediatrician totally heard me mumble “asshole” under my breath when Eloise threw her peanut butter crackers on the floor during a fit of rage in the doctors office because I wouldn’t give her the entire package of them. It’s a good thing she knows us well or she probably would have noted in our chart.

8. We decided to go with a partial Ikea kitchen for the new house, all sixty five thousand boxes were delivered today & I am in total panic mode. What have we done. 

Alright ladies, your turn! Share your mom confessions, and virtual cheers with whatever you’re drinking on this fine wine Wednesday! XO

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  1. I'm watching my brother + our daughter this week while my dad works and my mom is out of town. He's 2 1/2 and she's 17 months. I loaded them up for the Starbucks drive thru yesterday and he said, "Coffee makes Katie happy like snacks make me happy?" Yes, little buddy. Yes.

  2. My mama confessions: My 21 month old says "oh shit" in context thanks to me. And sometimes if she picks her longest books to read at bedtime, I only read a sentence or two on each page.

    But as far as the separation anxiety goes, I teach kindergarten and I have kids who cry HYSTERICALLY as their moms & dads leave, but are perfectly fine literally 5 seconds after they're gone. My daughter does it too when I drop her off at daycare, and although it makes it soooo hard to leave her, know that Eloise might do the same thing and be perfectly fine minutes later!! xo

  3. I buckle the kids in and put my makeup on in the car bc I can't find time to do it in the house ( I barely even get my clothes on before getting out the door )

    And once this summer I drove all the way to daycare without shoes on…

  4. Mom confession # 1: feeding my dog way over the amount of recommended treats so he will stay by my teething daughter who is only finding happiness in how funny the dog looksπŸ™Š

  5. This was my favorite post ever!!!! My confessions: I watched the entire season in two nights on a business trip…i did not sleep much and I shed dozens of tears. I'm in the process of bribing my 3.5 year old to sleep in his own bed for the first time in his life. It fucking sucks. And I made your tilapia tacos tonight and they were legit. I don't feel weird about being a fan girl since your blog is the only one I've ever followed. Cheers!!! 😘

  6. Oh girl it's like you're reading my own mind!

    My girls did pre-k and 2.5 year old preschool last year, my older daughter did great since it was her 3rd year of preschool. My 2.5 year old had a rough couple days but by the 3rd day she LOVED it and would beg to go to school. It might be a tough transition but stick with it, she's going to do great!

    We too have done too many barefoot runs to chick fil a this summer, so glad I'm not the only one!

    It's been 100+ here in Virginia, I'd kill for some fall weather around here!

    Not going to lie, it's been one extremely lazy summer here which is just fine by me! With two kids in school and after school activities come fall a laid back summer is just what we need.

  7. My mom brain is in full swing. Went to the store because there was a sale on formula and with a formula coupon it would be basically half price. Did I bring the coupons? Nope. Did I remember to do the price match for a competing store? Nope. Ugh. Paid an extra $3 per can and bought 6 cans. Boo. Then the cashier asked how old the babies were. 11 months I said- she gave me a concerned look… Oh yea 11 weeks I mean. These would be really little 11 month olds! Maybe in 10 years when I get a full night of sleep I'll have 2 brain cells to rub together! πŸ™‚

  8. Confession : I'm dying for my girl's to go back to school and we are counting down. I can only take so many sister arguments a day & I am tapped out.

    Also, I wanted, scratch that, needed a bottle of wine tonight but refused to pack up four kids and drag them to the grocery store so I followed my husband to work and made him stop at a gas station for some wine. #noshame #mamaneedswine

  9. I hide from my 3 yr old and husband every night after my 1 yr old is fast asleep for a little me time. They're getting their quality time in so I can look aimlessly online for a few πŸ˜‰

  10. left a comment earlier but forgot to say "AMEN to being ready for fall!" I have been cursing summer for weeks, literally so over it. I want to feel chilly and have the windows open in my house like its no ones business! πŸ˜‰ ~M.

  11. love your blog, since Harper was just a little baby bump! These types of posts are by far my favorite! I daily have moments of feeling like I fail as a mom, and hope I'm raising a strong, happy, healthy boy! Seeing your real life posts remind me that we don't all have it together all the time, and thank goodness! at 4:58 it was time for wine and to trudge out into the 100degree heat for my little guy who had been begging all day to play outside! Cheers to mommy hood and for keeping it real! ~Moorely.

  12. This is hilarious..mom confessions are my favorite! It's so healthy to laugh at ourselves and remember we're all human (and this job is hard!).

    I should also be thinking about Pre K – but completely forgot (until now). The other day my son woke up from a nap, smiled, and ever so sweetly said 'hey mom, this room is a folking mess'. Also, my 10 month old manages to sneak a bite of dog food on the daily. I'm pretty much killin' it.

  13. I turned on Sesame Street last night to opt out of reading the Little Mermaid for the ONE MILLIONTH time yesterday.
    And then my 2 year old wanted pancakes for lunch and after she ate two, I told her they were all gone. Then I ate the rest

  14. I feel relieved that I'm not the only one freaking out about pre-school! I got the intro letter today, and I already feel stressed. Eek! My daughter is way more ready than I am. πŸ™‚

    Best of luck with your move, and hang in there! πŸ™‚

    ~Christine

  15. I am dying at #7… I love that you keep it real! That'd totally be me haha (I don't have kids, but if I did!) Love your blog, and am dying to see what you do with the new house! xo

  16. I let Daniel Tiger babysit my 1 year old so I can go on Facebook and put on a little makeup.

    We never got out of our pj's yesterday.

    I stay up late drinking wine & watching Netflix and then fall asleep almost everyday at naptime.

  17. Oh goodness…thank you for the laugh. We are moving in two weeks also so I am right there with you. Living in total survival mode everyday. Good luck to guys! It will be over soon…at least thats been my mantra πŸ™‚

  18. Eloise will do great! I was worried when I sent my 2 year old to pre-school last year. It never failed I was paged to get her from church nursery during Sunday service because she cried uncontrollably every single time. We had to stop going. When we went to her open house, I told her teacher our experience with church nursery and she reassured me she would be fine. First day of school, no tears, nothing. She was happy as a clam. School went so well we are sending her 4 days a week this year. I. Can't. Wait!

    Mom confession. I let Vivian, who just turned 3, stay on her Kindle all day long watching stupid Egg Surprise on YouTube. I seriously needed a break.

  19. Confession: I'm a stay-at-home-mom with a 3-year-old in preschool and an easy-going 3-month old… and I'm hiring packers (4 guys, 6 hours) to pack our tiny 1600-sqft townhome because the idea of putting ANYTHING in a box completely overwhelms me. Everyone is like: "wait, you can't do this yourself?" They are right; I probably could. BUT I DON'T WANNA.

    Also, your confession posts are always my favorite. It makes me feel less alone. πŸ™‚

  20. I'm dying at your "asshole" comment. That is me on difficult days with my 3 year old. I feel you.

    Also, just wanted to say I love followikg your blog, ig and snapchat πŸ™‚ you're one of my favs!

  21. I'm dying at your "asshole" comment. That is me on difficult days with my 3 year old. I feel you.

    Also, just wanted to say I love followikg your blog, ig and snapchat πŸ™‚ you're one of my favs!

  22. Even though our five month old is sleeping like a legit champ through the night…mom brain is taking over. Yesterday, I told our four year old my birthday is the 27th. Of July. As in next week. My birthday is the 29th of July and has been for almost 32 years. Just killin it this week.

  23. I hear ya on a lot of those things. Especially the frequency of chick fila drove through and the kids watching way too much tv when we're not out swimming so I can get a little peace and quite and get something down.

  24. Mom confession – I might be pregs with #3 and my 2nd is 7mo old. I'm freaking out a bit. But, oh are my mom-crush and make me realize I CAN do it and it would be totally okay!

  25. I totally agree with the fall note…AND I am so glad that I am not the only one with mom brain. I leave the house without a diaper bag about twice a week! How does that even happen?

  26. My daughter is in German preschool and here you can't just drop them off and go. Oh no, they make you stay with your child so they can get acclimated. It could take one week or one year!!!! You sit across the room so your child can see you. We are finally at the stage where I'm sitting outside the classroom. We are making some progress, My daughter is on week 3 and is such a little asshole because when she's not allowed to do something she throws herself on the ground and screams. Her teachers are so patient and I'm sitting across the room rolling my eyes praying she stops. The German kids just stare at her in disbelief and then they look at me like "wtf is wrong with your kid, American lady" lol
    I love living in Germany but I hate that Starbucks has no drive thru so I end up at McDonald's and get a mocha frappe, it's not the same. My kid is so embarrassing in public lol

  27. 4 year old check up in May. Was told we needed to revisit the ENT. Well having 3 kids (10, 4, &1.5) I waited till yesterday to take him. Now we're looking at removing the tonsils ONE week before he starts Pre-k in August. #MomFail. Oh and we had pizza for dinner then breakfast the next day!

  28. We live in IL and returned from a trip to visit family in MD last Friday. Throughout Saturday and Sunday, my one year old threw my phone down the stairs, my three year old got too many time outs to count for kicking and hitting, my one year old opened the drawer in which we keep the kiddie plates, bowls, and cups and attempted to throw them ALL in the garbage, my three year old filled the one year old’s crib with dog toys, my one year old emptied the dog’s water bowl, my one year old pooped in the bath tub – TWICE, and the two of them woke up a total of 3 times Saturday night/Sunday morning. I’ve never yelled so much at them and then immediately felt incredibly guilty. I COULD NOT WAIT to return to work on Monday. At least they were angels while we were on vacation!! 😐

  29. I bet Eloise will be great! I had the same concerns when I sent our 2 year old (she is SO attached to me), but she was awesome and she LOVED school. It helped that she was in the same school as her big sister. Eloise will adjust. Those kiddos are resilient. Our littlest even won the "manners banner" for the whole school one week, which was a shock to our entire family πŸ™‚

  30. 1. I need to drink one or two glasses of wine at night to get me through the bedtime routine. I took last night off (from wine) and thought I was going to murder my three year old.
    2. I had a stay-cation the week of the 4th and took my three year old to daycare for four of those days and I don't feel one bit guilty about it. It's amazing what you can accomplish around the house when you aren't at a little persons beck and call!
    3. We are going on an international flight at the end of August and it will be my son's first time flying and I am in total panic mode about it!

  31. And it's only TUESDAY!!! Same kind of week for us too. However, thanks to your auction last night, I made some good money on an old dress I was going to put in our garage saleπŸ˜‚ We did an ikea kitchen 3 years ago. Pain in the butt, but great quality. I hope you went white cabinets with bronze hardware. Because you do black and white best, girl!

  32. Confession of the week for me…..I have let my kids have multiple friends over and sleepovers this week….JUST so that they will be entertained and I can finish painting! They leave me alone when their friends are over, and that is all I needed this week!!! (And all summer!)

  33. Mom brain is too real. I've been thinking in my head for 9.5 months since my daughter was born, I'm either going to lose the dog outside, or leave the stove on. Sure as shit I left the stove on TWICE this week. AND WENT TO WORK. The biggest fail ever. Thank god I didn't burn the house down

  34. Same boat as you for preschool. I signed mine up for the summer session to get a feel for it and guess what. My daughter didn't care I was leaving her 😭 She is 2 years old and first time I have left her.

    Also going crazy since my son will be one next Friday and going nuts since I have yet to prep for it. I am such a procrastinator. What do you even buy a one year old for a gift??

    I can't wait for fall even though so many birthdays coming up! boyfriends, boyfriends fathers, my daughter, my mother

    My last mom confession – my son has yet to take milk from anything- bottle, sippy, straw, cup! He just does not want to give up breastfeeding. I literally tried every trick or tips out there, he will not budge! And school starts for me in the fall 😁

  35. Love your blog! This new-mom to a 4 month old appreciates your honesty and hilarity. Thanks for the chuckle during our 3 AM feeding session! :)–Maggie

    P.S. Summer sucks. Nebraska humidity isn't as bad as Georgia I'm sure, but it still sucks.

  36. This post is great and I've enjoyed reading everyone else's comments!! Also you should totally hire movers it makes life so much easier!!

    My mom confessions-

    I lock my self in my bedroom after I put my kids in bed otherwise my 3 year old thinks he needs to fall asleep in my bed. I've found that if I lock my door he'll go back to his room without a fuss instead of me putting him back in there a million times.

    My oldest currently has a fever- day three now- and I'm waiting for it to pass because I can't stand the germs at the doctors office!! Also when all three of my kids are at the doctors it's embarrassing how loud they are so I totally feel you on that *asshole comment*

    I don't want summer to end because then I have to go teaching full time and I dread the mornings of everyone hurry and get ready, but I can't wait to cover my not so summer ready body in sweaters and leggings and see all the pretty leaves! I mean I may be using pumpkin soap already…

  37. Harper and Eloise will do great at preschool! I was near panic attack when I sent my daughter to a Parent's Day Out program last fall (she was not-quite two). Dorothy had a few rough days in the beginning, but now she pretty much prefers her fun teachers over her boring, old momma. πŸ˜‰

  38. I couldn't figure out why my front door wasn't unlocking. I'm bawling, calling my husband at work telling him that my daughter and I are locked out of the house when I realize halfway through my breakdown that I'm trying to use the car remote to unlock my front door… I blame that one on mom brain, pregancy brain and hormones…

  39. I call my kids assholes all the time. They don't wear clothes till it's time for their jammies, they splash in their kiddie pool naked and I use that time to wash their hair and bodies. Confession: I give them mini-m&ms just to give me a break. Multiple times a day.
    It drives me close to murder when they ask for food yet ask for something else before it's done cooking. Yeah, I have to be really hungry to eat what they don't eat. Here's the same 5 episodes of Spider-Man you watch all the time, leave me alone. I bring them up in the front seat while we wait for husband to run in somewhere because I can't stand to hear them whine. KIDS!

  40. At least 95% of the time, I just stay home during the day because it still completely overwhelms me to try and take my 3 year old anywhere fun during the day with my 9 month old in tow. My mom guilt is out of control because I feel so guilty my 3 year old is cooped up all day everyday.
    I day drank last week during nap time and it was wonderful. And I wanna do it every day.
    Recently I've been putting my son to bed with a bottle….. You know, like the #1 no no rule? I mean he'll loose these teeth one day anyway right? And I'm sick of holding your bottle you lazy a-hole! Just kidding I love you forever. But seriously.

  41. My daughter yelled "FUCK" in Target when she dropped something from the cart. She's 2 1/2 and said it clear as day. My husband asked her what she said and she said "WHAT THE FUCK". One of those moments you should probably discipline your child, but can't help laughing at their adorable voice saying something so vulgar… Lesson learned; I need to watch my mouth.

  42. My 2 year old can play every game on his iPad with his eyes closed. My mom thinks he's just the smartest kid in the world, but in all reality I jus give him the iPad when my patience are gone (which seems to be a lot now that I think of it). Also, he got a new swing set for his 2nd birthday from the in laws and they ask every single time we see them how he likes it, I always say oh he loves it. In my head I know he's only played on it three times because it's too dang hot to sit outside and deal with that in the south. #badmom

  43. I'm ready for fall, too! It's hot here in Idaho. I am currently living with my parent's while our home is being built & it has made me the laziest, more tired mom ever. And I don't even drink wine… So I'll just sip on my La Croix & pretend it's helping.

  44. Getting out the door will be hard but you will get used it eventually! Our baby (13 months) rarely wears shoes and when I drop him off at day care I just put them in his cubby so they can put them on later when they go to the playground. And After his bath every night I put him in a soft outfit he can wear to daycare in the morning (I do change his diaper though!) Every minute counts in the AM!
    Chic filet nuggets plus their kale salad practically feels like health food.

  45. This is so funny. I just love that your Dr. heard you call Eloise an "asshole". I have too many confessions to offload in this comments section, so I'll name a few; 1. my almost three-year-old's last day at his current "school" is tomorrow and I am legit sad about it πŸ™
    2. My husband's 30th bday is Friday and I don't really have a gift. Ahhh…what do I get him?? At lease dinner reservations are taken care of!
    3. I've been drinking beer more often than my 30 year old metabolism can handle.
    PS: The girls will do great in school! And you will love having an extra minute to do some errands, work, or rest with just Claire around!!

  46. After I get the 1 yr old asleep, my 6 yr old and I watch food network in bed until we fall asleep. School year=strict book bedtime routine, summer eh we like the cuddles.

  47. Regarding your first point, a little bit of tough love for ya (but not really), A LOT of moms send their babies to daycare when they're like what – months old? Eloise will be going to daycare at 2-3 years old. She seems to have a killer, bubbly personality and she will do fine. Delaying it will not help it. I speak as a pre-K teacher who had parents drop of their kids who spent an hour crying at the front door – you are not helping by delaying it another year. Sending her the same year as Harper is actually a positive thing, you get to tell her "hey look, big sis is going too! and you'll make new friends like big sis! you don't want to stay home with baby Claire now do you?" and worse case… just send her anyway. She's not the parent, you are, and after the first few weeks are over it's going to be a positive thing for her all around. Because honestly, delaying it one more year will just make it even harder for her the following year. It's an added year of being at home with you all day, it's not going to make stepping into daycare easier for her. And… when feeling anxious about this – remember, she's 3 years old? Some parents send their babies to daycare. Babies! (Mine is starting at 9 months old. I'm crying already.) So honestly, it'll be fine! πŸ™‚

  48. omg, mom brain-story of my life! this blog and the comments make me feel like i'm not alone πŸ™‚ BRING ON THE FALL PLEEEEASE. we're in augusta, ga, and i can't take the 100+ mugginess much longer πŸ™‚

  49. I rarely comment but this literally had me "lol-ing" in my office to the point I thought for sure co-workers thought I was losing it completely. The dryer vs washer… I can't even. That was the best thing I read all morning and it made me feel 100% better about my "mom brain" lately, PS thanks for that diagnosis/condition. (still laughing about the "water sound" coming from the dryer. Anyways, I'd have to say my latest confessions are that I've been treating myself to Starbucks way too often, while I have a perfectly good Keurig, coffee and all the extras at home; I've dropped our 11 month old off at "school" almost every day without shoes on (& our 2 yr old is usually getting her hair done in the parking lot); and lastly …I keep canceling plans to just hang out at the house, by the kiddie pool and water table bc everyone seems more happy when we do that! Have a great weekend! And, as always… love reading because I can honestly relate =)

  50. I'm dying to hear how things go with preschool. I don't even know how you do it every day not having them in any type of school. I will agree though that sometimes it is so hard and chaotic to get everyone ready and out the door in time! Summer sickness is no fun!! Love the pediatrician story and cheers to an awesome Doc!! –Home of Malones

  51. Neither of my kids ever went for regular milk either. Our pediatrician is ok with them getting their calcium other ways – lots of cheese and yogurt, etc.

  52. Currently all three of my children are enrolled in daycare/preschool full-time (as in 10 hour days). In about 2 weeks I will be taking an extended leave of absence to stay home with them! Getting up at 5AM so we can be at school at 6:30 has been HARD so not having a routine for a few months seems like a luxury. I may be begging to send them back though in a few weeks:) We LOVE summer, please never end!

  53. Totally relatable. I am SO ready for fall, my husband says I can't decorate until September. Not that I really would before then anyways, maybe… I haven't been able to start Orange yet because my kids are 10 and 12 and go to bed later than me and I certainly can't watch it with them up! Guess I better start in the mornings! We haven't been getting dressed unit around 2pm somedays this summer, the neighbor kid comes over and my kids are still in pjs.

  54. Love reading your blog! We did an IKEA kitchen and it is initially a shit show with all the boxes! We ended up dividing all the boxes by cabinet number, and all the hardware packages into their own groups. It took a night to do that but after it was done it made assembly go so much faster!! They were super easy to assemble, the engineering really is quite remarkable! You'll be pleasantly surprised!

  55. Hahaha love this post!!
    I'm dying to have another baby but im so scated…. My daughter is such a tornado that I may need to go get my head examined if we get another baby like her….

  56. I can totally relate with all of this. I am currently on maternity leave and go back at the end of August. Dreading it. My lined up babysitter quit on me and now I have to consider dreaded daycare. My 3 year old would do great but a newborn. Uh! I'm considering staying home now but need a SAHM job to do. Did I mention I haven't visited any daycares yet. So lazy!! I'm jumping on the mom struggle bus…

  57. Hi! Would love to hear what you thought of the Ikea package? My fiance and I purchased our first home this weekend and its a bit of a fixer upper – new kitchen is totally necessary and I am in over my head. I feel like the Ikea website is super confusing as to what you get with each package. Any and all advice is totally appreciated! Thank you!

  58. i didn't buy my babies birthday presents – not really necessary in my opinion. I threw him a party so he was getting gifts from others too. not like he will remember or be into opening it so unless it's his only gift I would not bother unless there is something you were buying him anyway or something he needed.

  59. We've done the IKEA kitchen (and beds and dressers)…just drink some wine and do it into the wee hours of the morning. Regarding separation anxiety, Cameron has been going to the same day care since he was 8 weeks old, and he still cries. As soon as you leave, she'll be fine! Trust me!! Good luck! Getting out the door on time is another story…if you find the secret, let me know!! πŸ™‚

  60. My mother got pregnant with #3 when her youngest was 2 months old. Wait for it, #3 turned out to be twins…
    They are 11 months apart and for 1 month of the year all 3 of them are the same age.
    I don't know how she and my dad did it but if they could so can you ladies!

  61. I literally laughed out loud to #7!!!! Confession: I am completely freaked out about the possibility of being stuck in the house because of cold weather in Denver after having this baby in September, even though logically I know I will have at least two months before we freeze. I should think about all seasonal drinks at Starbucks and fall festivities to get me through! HA!

  62. We rarely arrive to preschool on time. But I have found getting ready the night before has helped a ton. Pack lunches, set out clothes, even my own stuff ready. Mom Confession: I HATE folding laundry so I will start the dryer over again to put it off. Also my husband works until 7pm so most of the time I don't even start cleaning or making dinner until 6:30….

  63. 1- I love this post.

    2- My 16 month old burned his hand on our ATV trying to climb it after a nice family ride (parent fail).

    3- We just had my son's 15 month appointment. I had to drag him in the room screaming and the screaming didn't stop the whole time. I can't even begin to imagine what his nurse and ped think of him. I definitely could have called him an "asshole" a few times.

    4- we are going to be starting a big addition onto our house. It should start right around the time I go back to school to teach 1st grade, AND start trying for baby #2 ….

    5- I have not caught up on the babes baby "book" in 2 and a half months, I look at it and think "oh I NEED to write in that today"… Nope never happens!

    P.S. Your daughters will do great, it's always harder on the momma. I bet a few months from now you will be telling everyone how it was the best decision you've ever made!

  64. I'm happy to hear about preschool! My daughters been going to gym daycare since 6 months, you can leave to run errands so I'll leave her 1-2 hrs. Some days fantastic, this week (she's almost 3) she's still crying when i get her. The teachers are wonderful and snuggle her but I'm dreading preschool. I think we'll start this winter, I appreciate hearing good stories of how it can go πŸ™‚

  65. Aw, My son just started full day summer pre-k 2 weeks ago. I am a stay at home mom, and he's never been away from me. He cried the first 2 days, but by day 3 he was fine! Once they know that mama is always coming back for them, they enjoy school. You and your family are great! I have been following your blog since early 2012 πŸ™‚

  66. OMG! Number 7 totally made me spit out my drink! lol. I have what some might call a "cussing" problem and fuck is my favorite word. Anyway, my 3 year old thinks it's hilarious to repeat every bad word I say and also remember them so she can use them later. For instance…

    'Did you shit your pants?'
    'Great, the fucking tv isn't working'

    There are many more but I should probably just stop there before people start to think I'm a bad mom. πŸ™‚

    Love these confession posts!! You guys are awesome and hilarious!

  67. I fell asleep burping my three week old last night and she rolled off my chest and I woke up freaking out bc she was close to the edge of the bed. (I know, I shouldn't have her in bed, but whatever. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.) I'm getting my hair done today for the first time in forever and I couldn't figure out why it smelled like bleach. The mom brain has officially set in!

  68. Our (just recently) two year old is starting preschool this fall. I'm so scared and works nor happy too (a little) I think it will be good for her…and me. I already miss her when I think about it though!! And it doesn't help that for the last 3 days she has decided hat she won't go to sleep at night with out me so my husband has been going in her room to a screaming, crying tot to put her back in bed and finally she goes to sleep but it's breaking my heart.
    We have recent started timeout when she does something that can hurt herself or others…or our dogs. She thinks it's funny to pull our pugs tail and then look at me and ask me "go timeout?" !&/$:!. Is she requesting timeout?! SERIOUSLY?! I don't make it fun. I swear smoke comes out of my ears.

  69. OMG Jessica thank you so much for keeping it real! This has been one of those MONTHS for me! Lord! I swear there are no more hours in the day to pray any more than I have lol It's so nice to know we are not alone, in our motherhood and life struggles.

    Need help packing? I'm pretty sure with a fee cocktails and friend some headway could be made πŸ˜†

  70. Totally muttered "what the f&ck" when my 20 month old figured out how to unscrew her sippy cup and dump milk all over the floor…she then proceeded to say "f&ck" all day long….#parentingwin

  71. Glad to know we could probably hang out IRL! I am definitely freaking out about the stupid school year schedule and would home school strictly for my convenience if I could finance it. Also, have definitely calΕ‚ed my toddler an a-hole more than once. But then I'm pretty sure "toddler" is the Latin translation for "a hole".

  72. Love your blog!

    Don't fret too much about sending/not sending Eloise to preschool…if you end up deciding to keep her home, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Do what feels right. My oldest will be ready for pre-k in fall 2017 and I'm not even going to send him full time…maybe a few mornings a week to start. These are the years you'll never get back so cherish all you want.

    #7 still makes me laugh when I think about it

    And I too can't wait for the cool fall weather…I hate the heat

  73. Sometimes I tell my kids it's too hot to go outside because I just don't feel like doing the sunscreen battle.

    I can't tell you how many times I make sure everyone pees before we leave the house, only to get where we're going and I have to pee. Then we're all crowded in one stall and I'm yelling at them to get off the floor/not touch anything/don't open the door πŸ™ˆ

  74. I heard a mom yell at her kid at the pizza buffet today and I thought she is amazing and it made me feel relieved about all the yelling I do at my kids, lol πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing the real shit!

  75. OMG! My 3 yr old had major separation anxiety. His first 4 months of preschool he cried for almost the entire 3 hours. He did anything and everything to try to get sent home but his teacher wouldn't budge! After Christnas break he never cried again. But now at 7 he still has major anxiety about spending the night away from us…

  76. I don't have a mom confession (just married; no kiddos yet) but OITNB, I just can't. I cried through the last 3 episodes of the season and the whole thing made my stomach hurt. But I'm obsessed and I love it. I could confess that I've been house hunting far too much and I talked my brand new husband of like 5 weeks into looking at a house that we can probably afford but should definitely wait on… Oops.

    xo Marie
    Chocolate & Wine

  77. I enjoyed this post SO much. Your pediatrician probably laughed so hard after you left.

    P.S. Im so over summer and ready for fall to be here asap. Bring on sweaters and hocus pocus on repeat =)

  78. I've done the washer/dryer mix up thing! When I was on vacation, using a stackable washer/dryer. I threw a whole load of clothes in the dryer, with soap, to "wash" them. I felt so stupid once I'd realized once I did (a day later!).

  79. Yesterday my three-year-old exclaimed "OH SHIT MOM. We forgot my Elsa dress at Nini's house!". Oops. Also, I drive to a town 15 minutes away to take advantage of the Starbucks drive-thru because my town doesn't have one.

  80. I plugged the drain to our laundry sink & decided to soak some hand wash items. Knowing it would take a minute to fill the sink, I walked away to handle the nonstop barking dog and screaming toddler who was pulling the dog's hair. We then had a dance party in the living room while my laundry sink was forgotten about until water was literally half an inch deep throughout the entire laundry room. FML.

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