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8 Things Nobody Tells You About Having Kids

We’ve all read posts like these, and although none of them can actually prepare us for motherhood any better, sometimes it’s just reassuring to know that we aren’t in this alone.
I actually thought about writing this post after I came across this photo in my old phone from shortly after Eloise was born. It was four something in the morning, my eyes were swollen from crying, my chest is covered in hives (for some reason I got them whenever I nursed her) & she is wide eyed because she never, ever slept. What everyone always tells you about having kids is that you’re going to miss even the hardest times. And I remember taking this and thinking, I’m taking this photo to look back on one day, to see if I do in fact miss this. Because not only was I certain I would never miss it, but I was also not even sure if I would survive it. But here I am, alive & well, and totally missing the shit out of that very moment with that little teeny tiny baby. The nights are so long, and lonely, and they seem like they’ll never end. But they do, and you’ll always want them back.

1. The love is so overwhelming, that it’s actually terrifying. I read an article once about how motherhood is compared to walking along side a cliff, the most beautiful, wonderful, breathtaking cliff in the world, that at any moment, you could step off of & fall to your death. Sounds great right? You literally love these little people so hard, it makes your heart hurt. Nobody can prepare you for that, and at the end of the day, it’s what makes everything else worth it.
2. Sleep is a thing of the past. And not just because of your baby. If your newborn isn’t waking you up all night because they’re hungry, your six month old is waking you up because their paci fell out, or your 18 month old is waking you up because their sock fell off or your three year old is waking you up because they saw a big truck in their room. Or maybe, all of your kids actually slept all night, but you’re awake looking at pictures of them wondering how they’re growing so fast. Or you can’t stop thinking about that sad article you read or maybe you can’t sleep because all you had for dinner was wine. Either way, sleep? Gone forever.
3. You can strangely function on no sleep. Refer to point number two. Somehow, after sixteen days straight of only 1.5 hours of sleep per night, four cups of coffee & a banana, you can handle more shit than you ever could pre-baby. You might look like roadkill, but in reality, life is good & you are handling it like a boss.
4. You become a complete hypochondriac. You will worry like you’ve never worried before, you imagine the worst in every situation. every. single. time. Every cold must be pneumonia, that rash? must be a peanut allergy. And don’t even get me started on how many times you’ll think you or your kid has Cancer. It is scary and stressful and you will waste so many hours googling symptoms and texting your mom friends and dragging your kids to urgent care on a Saturday. You will also never forget a single sad story you ever hear & your heart will break for parents that you don’t even know.
5. You will cry, a lot. Nobody really talks about the baby blues that can occur for the first few weeks after your baby is born, which results in floods of pretty much every emotion imaginable & lots and lots of tears. Crying because your baby is growing too fast, crying because you aren’t actually sure if you are capable of taking care of a tiny human being, or maybe just crying because you can’t stop crying. All aboard the crazy train! Just be sure to seek help from your doctor if it lasts more than a few weeks, postpartum depression is a very real, and scary thing, and in order to take care of your babies, you must first take care of yourself.

6. Just when you think things couldn’t get any worse, your hair falls out. Postpartum hair loss has gotten the best of me, first it falls out, leaving you bald patches all along your hairline & your bathroom looking like chewbacca showered in there. Then it grows back, slowly but surely, leaving one inch baby hairs sticking out all over your head. So in the words of Cousin Eddie, no matter what you do, “your hair just ain’t gonna look right” 😉

7. Your kids will be exactly like you in all the worst ways. All of your flaws will be magnified & thrown in your face by your sweet little angels. And your mom will probably smile thinking of all the times she told you that she hopes one day, you have a child just like you.

8. You might casually want to have a million more babies. Especially once you have three kids, which based on my experience & what I have been told by lots of moms with more than three, you kinda feel like you’ve hit the maximum chaos capacity. And then you start to have crazy thoughts about maybe having just one or two more.
#babyhoarding

Because, refer to point number one, that love is everything.

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Comments

  1. My favorite post yet! I was with some friends yesterday and we talked about how we all have that one child and how we are all dealing with our own shit. It was nice to just talk and listen and be with people who get it. Thanks for getting it and making it ok and making us laugh!

    Reply

  3. A very lovely well timed post! I'm in the UK and just had a very broken nights sleep with my 18m daughter, wondering how on EARTH in going to survive with 2 (I'm due again in 6 weeks) there were a lot of tears at 3am! Thank you for giving me hope that I'm not completely mental.
    The days and nights are long but the years are indeed short.
    Xx

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  14. #babyhoarding is the best hashtag ever. EVER.

    Great post. I love everything you write! Sometimes people can get too cheesy, or too real, but you write everything honestly and refreshingly. Love it and your three little babes!

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  15. I love this and you are so so right……as I sit here nursing my 3rd baby….he is 2 weeks old and I LOVE him. So much.

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  19. We have one that is a horrible, awful, the worst sleeper and he's 2. I do not care, dream, want or even think about any more children!! Funny how that it's different for everyone. I do love the shit out of him though. 😉

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  20. ugh! this is so true it hurts! (she says sitting here with three day dirty hair, smudged mascara, attempting to be productive…)

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  21. Oh my goodness. This post could have been written by me, except my words don't come out nearly as well as yours do. That love is so dang insane and so freaking scary which is why I am always rushing our little guy to urgent care over the smallest things. I don't think I could live without him now that I have lived with him and thanks to the sad articles online. every little minor illness I am worrying about worst case scenario. Also, those baby blues are no joke and honestly it's the only thing that scares me about baby #2. Pregnancy was a piece of cake compared to that first few weeks of complete emotional instability.

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  23. This is seriously the BEST!! I feel like your in my head! Especially about thinking you or your kids have cancer! My thoughts. every. day! I thought I was the only one. Most days I think I'm crazy!

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  24. Point no 7 is the truest of all !!! Mom said it & i have them! Flaws certainly multi-magnified & I am constantly made to stand in that jury box (watever its called) … & questioned why I can't contain them !!! But yes, everything else true as well !!!

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  28. Jessica thank you for posting! I'm pregnant with baby number two and all these thoughts have been running through my mind. Your added humor has made it easier and I realize I am not the ONLY mom who thinks/feels this way. With another girl on the way I think my life is about to get even more sleep deprived but so much more fun!

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  29. I'm obsessed with all of what you had to say! I struggled with infertility and am so beyond blessed to have the 2 angels I have. I love them more every passing second, I cry because I love them, I cry because I'm upset they keep me up for two hours the night before my observation at work because of a lingering fart, and then I cry because I feel bad for being mad they needed me in the night and I was angry about it ? And I wouldn't change a second of the crazy ride I'm on because they are the best gifts and time truly does go too fast!! We as mothers hope we are doing right by our kids and it's nice to know other real moms feel the same things we do! I think your kids will one day really enjoy reading your blog about how much you loved watching them grow! Maybe print it out in case things change by the time they're old enough to really read it and understand ? Thanks for sharing little peeps into your family life with a whole lot of us! Much love!

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  30. Oh my gosh!! All of it true – I started to tear up just reading these! And #7 Hahah! So on point!

    Had flashbacks to when my girls were teeny tiny and now I am totally going through #8, yearning for a third. I have to say seeing your beautiful family doesn't help lol maybe someday we will have another 😉

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  38. I love this so so much!! I'm sitting here at work reading with flashbacks popping back into mind continuously. Its hard. Its amazing. Its nothing like you would of ever imagined, but you wouldn't have it any other way.

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  41. Yes, yes, yes! I love your honesty! And #8 is true. After my 3rd was born, I swore I could never go through another pregnancy or mass of sleepless nights with a newborn, and then she turned 3 and I desperately missed having a baby. So here comes baby #4 – and again I swear, "this is the LAST one, I promise!" But I can tell you, after having three grow up so fast, I am going to savor every single moment with this little girl because it does fly by much too quickly!!

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  43. I've been following your blog for quite some time and it is by far my favorite! I am expecting my first baby girl and couldn't be more excited and scared! Reading your posts make me feel so much better whenever I have any doubts about myself as a mother! Your blog is a breath of fresh air..so honest… which is hard to find!!! Thanks for sharing your journey through this crazy adventure called motherhood!

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  44. This is one of my favorite blog posts of yours EVER! Every single one is so true. I only have 1 13 month old but I can relate and you give me hope that 3 kids is totally worth it. Back to the baby hoarding. 😉

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  45. This post made me cry, laugh and cry some more… It's all about my life right now with 3 little girls just like you (sophia7, stella2 and Victoria 8 months old) love your blog and love to be able to rely on your expiriences making me feel that I'm not alone. Thanks and God bless you and your beautiful family!

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  47. This came just when I needed it. Currently fighting with a 3 month old that refuses to take a bottle, often refuses to nurse, and wakes multiple times a night. I'm rocking her, drinking a glass of wine, and laughing/ crying at your post while daddy entertains the 3 year old downstairs. It's all worth it when that screaming baby stops and gives you a big toothless smile!

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  48. This is the greatest post of all time. ALL. TIME. (*Kanye voice*) Like, for real, I relate to every single bit of this. Those long, lonely nights that I somehow miss sooooooo much, esp now that my baby's SECOND birthday is less than two weeks away (WHAT?!). I vividly remember it being 2:45am and I'm standing in the bedroom swaying, swaying, swaying, thinking "This kid will NEVER go to sleeeeeeeeeeeeep!" while shooting daggers at my peacefully sleeping husband wishing like hell that a piece of ceiling would miraculously fall on his head and wake him so I wouldn't be the only sleep deprived maniac. Sigh. All the feels. <3

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  50. This is SO on point!!! It made me cry, (of course), because, #5. As far as #8, i've been told that once you have three kids (we have 2) that you do want more because at that point it doesn't make things any crazier. It's just one more, mind as well bring them in to the fam too. You're already outnumbered so you don't notice past that point. But i have no experience in this area, it's just hearsay! 🙂 Love love love this post, thank you!!

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  51. So so true. I honestly never thought I would possibly miss the early days. The sleep deprivation is like no other. Yet here I sit 17 months later and I actually am beginning to physically ache for them. Motherhood will do that to you!

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  56. Loved loved loved this post!!!! Thank you for sharing! I love your last point 🙂 We currently have two little girls are on so on the fence about having that third. I know three will be a lot, and I also feel like once I cross that line I'll want even more! These baby years just go by SO fast. It's a blip in time.

    My mom is one of five girls! My grandpa just loves his life. He is surrounded by his daughters, wife and grandkids. So sweet!!! I love babies, but I love the idea of a big family even more 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this! Love following along 🙂

    Sarah http://www.coffeetalkformamas.com // http://www.thefrugalmillionaireblog.com

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  57. Wow, I can definitely appreciate this post. The REALEST of the real right here! This is ME EVERYDAY and I can honestly say I wouldn't trade it for the world. The sleep deprivation is no joke but isn't it funny how once your babe sleeps through the night you STILL wake up multiple times to reassure yourself that baby is okay? Or is this just me? 😉 Thank you for being Real, it is refreshing to Read and Relate rather than read and wonder what I may be doing wrong.

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  61. Brilliant and spot on! So scary and stressful, but so amazingly wonderful at the same time! Thanks for keeping it real…I hope all new moms and moms to be read THIS.

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  62. Ha, all so very true! I'd like to add that the post-partum blues can also hit after you stop nursing. This happened to me, and I cried way more than I did after my little guy's birth and thought I was a failure at everything. (Luckily I'd read this could happen on another mommy blog and got help from my doctor!)

    They *do* say 4 or more kids is easier than 3, because you realize you're completely outnumbered and stop stressing about handling everything. *Supposedly*.

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  63. This just may be my favorite post yet (I have said this to you a few times so far). Thank you for speaking my heart and letting me know that I'm not the only one feeling and looking like roadkill at times 🙂

    Milena
    ladyandlittle.etsy.com

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  65. I've never commented before, but just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your blog, by far my favorite mommy blog…and that this post especially is absolutely perfect! Thank you 🙂

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  66. Spot on! Especially the part about crying over sad stories! I am thisclose to deleting facebook because I cannot even handle the sad stories that come up in my feed.

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  67. This is true! Although I wish you had added in a point that kids will make you bat crap cray over the stupidest things "PUT YOUR SHOES ON OR IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND" kinda insanity. Just me? Bless my tiny people. And then at the end of every day, I literally ask my husband when he's ready to have another baby, and he's like "I'm sorry, weren't they just making you crazy!?" Yep. Crazy in love, boo. This post is my favorite. You rock.

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  68. Thank you for this! Yes, it does make us feel a little bit more "together" in this thing called motherhood. I love reading this from you because you always seem to have it so together 🙂 I couldn't agree more with every point you touched on!

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  69. Haha loved reading this, you're so spot on!! Thanks for always being real, #6 made me laugh so hard "chewbacca and Cousin Eddie" That shit is for real… I guess you have to laugh or you'd cry again!!!

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  75. Thank you sooo much for posting this! It is so on point, and makes me feel like I'm not alone! Love you're blog, and thanks for sharing your darling daughters with us!

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  77. Oh, Jessica, THIS IS THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a total baby hoarder 🙂 I agree with every single word. Wonderful, TERRIFYING times in the trenches of parenting littles!

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  78. Currently expecting my first and this gave me all kinds of feels and of course…made me tear up with excitement of being able to experience all that. Though it seems I've already got the crying part down 😉

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  79. Great post!!! I have two boys 20 months and almost 4 months and am dealing with Postpartum depression for the second time.much better this time around though. My last two years have been extremely tough. If only more people were so honest about Motherhood. People only ever tell you the good points, but even though it is wonderful it is so tough, too. LOVE your blog!!!!!

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  82. Thank you for this honest post. I can relate to many of the points… sleeping, crying, and most of all the love. Who would think the human heart has the capacity for so much love?
    I really enjoyed this. 🙂

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  83. I love this post….I don't have kids so I can't relate…but you write in such a sincere and hilarious way. You should write a book!! Reading your posts always make my day better 🙂

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  85. Great post! I've been reading for years and rarely comment, but I really love your parenting posts. This one and the one about strategies for coping with having more than one child are favorites of mine. I have 2 girls, one a few months younger than Harper and one a few months older than Claire. I am finally pretty on board with having a 3rd once my oldest goes to kindergarten, but that will definitely be it for us – I'll be 35 or nearly by the time a 3rd comes along and my pregnancies are high-risk anyway, so I can only handle it once more! And I know I am a weirdo, but I don't actually love the tiny baby stage. It's cute, of course, but I love the interaction with them once they are 6 months+, and I absolutely adore having toddlers.

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  86. I have been reading your blog for years and I have to say, I absolutely LOVE this post–my favorite! I actually teared up a little reading it and it makes me want another baby. I especially love #3, as I am currently working from home, looking like a hot mess and trying to pretend that this stupid mother's milk tea is actually coffee. Awesome post!

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  87. This post had PERFECT timing…. My daughter is currently 11 weeks old. She's my first…. and number 1 could not be more true!!! NOTHING can prepare you for the love you will feel. Thanks for the great post!!! I always enjoy reading but never comment 🙂 Your girls are beautiful!

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  88. 20 weeks pregnant with my second…couldn't make it past the first sentence of #1 without feeling tears starting. I'll have to read this when I'm at home and not at work so I'm free to cry!

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  90. Good post…but honestly I was never a crier, & I had 3 children. As one of 5 children, I could not imagine only having 2 kids, but I did feel overwhelmed in the 3rd pregnancy, since I did already have a healthy boy and a girl. But third children are SO adaptable! You just wake them up if you have to go pick up the oldest one from Kindergarten, or whatever. They turn out so well adjusted because you have to multi task all the time. Hardest thing for me was nursing the third one- I probably only lasted 6 months. I just want to offer encouragement that delivery and motherhood was easy for me, thankfully. Our family did not feel complete until I had our third. You naturally gravitate toward other new moms that you can use as your sounding board, take stroller walks together, have play dates, etc. Not everyone will have post partem blues, hair loss or sleepless nights. I think happy relaxed mothers tend to have (for the most part) happy relaxed children. Of course they all have their moments…but the first twelve years are easy compared to the next 10!!!!!!!

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  93. #4 I needed to read today. So true. Glad to hear I'm not alone. I'm due in 7 weeks with my 2nd and I'm not sure how I'll be able the worry x 2. Thanks for sharing this as its so relatable.

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  94. Love this oh so much!!!!!!!! I'm currently sitting on my couch holding my sleeping three month old boy and my two year girl is sleeping on my legs. I should have them both in their beds, but time goes by so fast:( I'm enjoying every snuggle! Sometimes you just needs days like today!!

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  95. YESSSSS:

    "Because not only was I certain I would never miss it, but I was also not even sure if I would survive it."

    I really relate to these words. Thanks for this post…was nice to read as I gear up for another long night with a teething/eczema covered baby who cannot sleep. How will I possibly give her siblings when I miss sleep so much?

    It's nice to get reminders to enjoy her even though it's hard right now.

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  98. Yes, a thousand times!! Tears at random times, all the time. Bleh! We had two in less than one year (364 days apart!) and my husband and I have agreed that they are so darn cute and fun and crazy that we have to have more. It only makes sense!

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  99. Not a mum, not planning to be one any time soon but this is a wonderful post anyway 🙂 And it actually made me feel like maybe it's no that "not for me" as I thought. And I love that photo, you are both looking awesome even at such time in morning 😀 #babyselfie

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  102. الجيزة الآن جريدة اسبوعية
    http://www.gizanow.com/
    الجيزة الآن – جريدة اسبوعية
    تقدم لك جريدة الجيزة الآن كل الاخبار من الجيزة ومن مختلف محافظات مصر من اخبار سياسية واخبار عربية وعالمية ومتابعة كل ما يختص بالرياضة المحلية والرياضة العالمية ونقدم لك اخبار التكنولوجيا العالمية وما توصل إلية العلم الحديث وتقدم الجيزة الآن اخبار الفن والمسلسلات والافلام وماتوصلت الية هوليود وبوليود والسينما العربية ونقدم لقراءنا احدث المقالات والاراء والنقد من كافة انحاء العالم وايضا نقدم لكم بعض القصص القصيرة واختصارات لكتب علي حلقات متميزة وتري معنا احدث السيارات العالمية والمحلية وما توصل الية علم السيارات وتتابع الجيزة الآن اخبار الحوادث لحظة بلحظة مع اخبار الاقتصاد والإقتصاديين وتتميز الجيزة الآن في تقديم احدث البرامج التعليمية ومتابعة المناهج التعليمية الابتدائية والاعدادية والثانوية العامة وتقدم لكم الجيزة الآن موقعها حلوتي الذي يقدم لكم كل ما تحتاجة النساء , حواء , والحوامل الذي نتخصص فية خارج موقع الجيزة الآن الاخباري.

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  103. wow – thank God I'm not alone. This is the first time I've read my feelings put into words (#1 & #4 especially)…..I truly thought my constant little panic attacks were not the norm.

    Reply

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